


hug me

by 2am_reflections



Category: BLACKPINK (Band)
Genre: F/F, Stan BLACKPINK, i stand collected, im a mess, its a one shots collection, lisa issa baby someone needs to take care of her
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-21
Updated: 2019-08-16
Packaged: 2020-01-23 03:39:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,920
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18541513
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/2am_reflections/pseuds/2am_reflections
Summary: you were an incredibly pretty person,you were an incredibly pretty person,please don’t be like this to me, you know me well...





	1. hug me // lisoo

_It seems like yesterday I was happy with nothing. Today, I make a wish to the moon. I told her if I can see you once again, I'll do one last dance with you to this song._

_To remember you forever,_

_Just one last dance..._

==========

Have you ever heard the word 'breathless'?

It has different meaning of its own if you put it in different use. One could describe the meaning of extreme surprise where you just froze in your spot, mouth hung agape as you look at the most precious thing in you possession in awe.

It truly was a wonderful description to appreciate such blessings.

Yet, in another meaning, one that you make sense of literally, has such a different effect, with a stark contrast betweem light and darkness, akin of a nightmare in the middle of a day dream.

==========

**Breathless**

[ **breth** -lis]

 

1\. without breath or breathing with difficulty; gasping; panting:

2\. dead; lifeless.

==========

Everything happened so fast. One moment she was just standing there in her comfy clothes, casually washing the dishes then the next moment. She saw her lying on the floor as the plate she was holding dropped and shattered against the hard wood floor. It might be just at the spur of the moment, where she exists and everything fell apart. She was rooted to the spot, head staying on the same spot her love used to stand just moments ago. Slowly, but surely everything came rushing back, like a river current overcoming any hindrance. Her hands were shaking when she finally got control of her body.

"LISA!" She screamed then, heart gripped with the panic brewing inside her at seeing her lover so frail, surrounded with the broken glass scattered around her body. She was shaken with pity that at such a tragic misery her love was still attention's sweet centre. Painted was the tragically beautiful story of their journey, started with her world brushed with dark muddy colours.

“oh mygod ohmygod,”

Jisoo swore she never ran so fast in her life.

In the blink of an eye, she was holding her lover's head on her lap as her fingers fumbled with her phone, the trembling digits struggling to call 9-1-1.

"I need your help please... She fainted....I-" That was the last thing Lisa heard as the black spots on her vision finally swallowed her whole. When the last sigh left her lips, her body became slack.

And that,

was the night everything changed.

==========

The trip to the hospital was not one on her favourite list of trips but, at seeing her lover sudden decline of health, she wondered just how long it would take for the ambulance to reach the hospital. She sighed over and over again as she held Lisa’s hand close and kissed each of her knuckles.

She choked back a sob as her eyes welled with tears and the state Lisa was in. Oxygen mask covered her face, and somehow in the span of minutes she had only just noticed how pale and gaunt her love actually is, a drastic difference to her usually fair and healthy body. She cursed herself, hating the fact that she had failed to see the symptoms that might have had explained the ongoing situation.

“I’m sorry baby, I should have looked after you better and stayed home more, fuck I’m- I’m fucking sorry I shouldn’t have I-,” Her speech was cut off due to the sob threatening to burst out.

“pl-please just wake u-up please…”

It may seem unusual for those close to her but,

She prayed that night.

To whatever gods there are out there, she just hoped they’d listened.

When the sound of cars honking filled her hearing and the pounding of her heart reverberated throughout her body, she closed her lids tightly. Lips mouthing an inaudible prayer as tears welled in her eyes. She held her lover's hand a little tighter, yet somehow, she still refused to cry.

 _‘Me and my pride’_ she muses.

She refrained herself to believe anything but her lover being okay again.

She had to be okay..

She just had to...

==========

The short trip to the hospital turned out to be a long one. The seconds and the minutes turned into hours as she waited outside the ER. She paced back and forth for she knew that there was something wrong, though she refused to believe it. Realising she might have to tell Chaeyoung, she steeled herself against the obvious thunderstorm and pressed call.

It doesn’t take long for the said best friend/ sister to pick up, and for some reason she felt guilty, like it was somehow her fault when the first hello filtered through the phone.

“Jisoo? Are you there?”

“Umm… Chaeyoung, I-I’m so fucking sorry, I don’t know what just happened I-“

“Jisoo? Please calm down, what happened? Is Lisa okay?”

“She-“

“She’s just been admitted to the hospital, Chaeyoung…”

“WHAT?! JENNIE WE NEED TO GO NOW!”

“Chaeyoung- I..” She tried to say when the phone beeps, indicating the end of the call.

They came 15 minutes after she hang up their call, appearance so disheveled some might think they’re some kind of a hobo.

“Is she okay?” Jennie asked as Chaeyoung was currently feeling too wrecked to even function.

“I- I don’t know , Jennie.. One minute she was standing and the next she was suddenly on the floor unconscious.” She explained as her hands swung wildly in her manic.

Jennie said nothing but pulled Jisoo into a tight hug which she immediately melt into, followed by Chaeyoung as the three of them relied on each other for the comfort each currently needed badly.

Their million questions were finally answered another hour later. In midst of her mini panic, the doctor handling Lisa's case came out of the room and approached her jittery self.

"I'm sorry...”

That was all Jisoo needed to hear to know that, she was not okay, her lover never was. She knew, Lisa knew that she didn't have much time left and yet, she still smiled and act that bubbly personality of hers. Always unyielding, always without flaw, not even once.

A gasp was heard, yet she couldn’t care less.

Jisoo pondered, just when did Lisa became such a good liar?

"I hate you so much..." She sobbed as her back slid against the white hospital wall. Its horror and constant dullness that painted her peripheral stayed unflinching. Leaving her, to fend for herself after the heart wrenching news that might just destroyed every good thing she had left in her life.

_‘such a tragic life of a dreamer’’Such a pity’_

I wonder Lisa,

I do wonder...

==========

Jisoo spent a restless night back at home. She laid on her side of the bed and took in the unusual coldness of her own personal sanctuary. Her stare resided on the empty right side of her bed. The golden sparks in her eyes had faded hours ago, only the remnants of it stayed. It had turned tedious brown in its departure.

She breathed deep, trying to remember her scent. Truth to be told, it had been hard for her to leave her love alone on the hospital bed, but she was not one to defy doctor's order. Though she really gave the nurses a run for their money when they need to forcefully dragged her away from her lover's limp body.

She decided then, she should have fought against their grasps harder, for Lisa was worth every struggle.

Every. Single. One.

==========

Days passed in a blur after the news. It was broadcasted on their social media accounts that they will be taking a long hiatus with the reasons unknown. It sure did cause an uproar in their fandom with their seemingly abrupt disappearance but in the end they couldn’t do anything but to accept their idols’ decision.

Realising the ticking time that was eating away her love’s life, Jisoo brought her everywhere her heart wished for. Her heart clenched every time she saw Lisa's face light up when she brought her to places she had never been before, knowing any moment now could be her last.

She smiled bitterly at that. Her time was limited and she was fucking desperate for any kind of miracle. She prayed every night, for something, anything, to happen.

Because she would give it all just for her to be okay again. That way, they would be able to do the future they had planned out together. In their future, they would be living in a 2 storey mansion with a dog, a cat and 4 kids running around the house. They would grow old together, wasting their time watching the sunset every evening with a warm cup of tea.

Fate always said otherwise, because the one time she actually found someone who loved her for her. They took her away from Jisoo.

Even sometimes, love was not enough...

==========

It was another cold evening on the midst of December. The couple was snuggling on the couch just enjoying each other's warmth. Jennie and Chaeyoung were out, buying food for their dinner. No words were spoken, though the comfortable silence of the empty dorm was broken when Lisa called out to Jisoo.

"Jisoo?" Lisa asked quietly, head laying slack against Jisoo's chest.

"Hmm?" She responded, hand moving to stroke Lisa's hair gently.

"Can we sing right now?"

Her hand stilled from her movement as she looked down at her. Usually, Jisoo would have laughed at the random request but the look on Lisa's face, left her stunned. Absentmindedly, Jisoo started to sing one of her favourite song, Long Live.

It really was ironic.

_"_ **_I said remember this moment_ **

_**In the back of my mind...”**_ She started, voice wavering a bit.

She was shaken out of her reverie when Lisa suddenly sat up and started pulling at her hands, urging her to stand with her.

_**“The time we stood with our shaking hands** _

_**The crowds in stands went wild** _

_**We were the kings and the queens** _

_**And they read off our names** _

_**The night you danced like you knew our lives** _

_**Would never be the same ..."** _

At this point, they were both dancing around in their apartment, not caring about what would happen in the future. Live in the now they said.

_**“You held your head like a hero...”** _

Lisa sang, voice sounding off key but none of them care anyways. She crossed her arms and posed as superman pretending to be showing her ‘spectacular biceps’ that had become bony and last muscular over the past few months. She nodded her head at Jisoo cueing at her to sing the next lines.

_**"On a history book page** _

_**It was the end of a decade** _

_**But the start of an age..."** _

Jisoo stayed quiet and instead, she only looked at her funnily. Lisa had no choice but to continue singing with a grumpy voice.

"Come on CHICHU!! I SAID ONE, TWO, THREE... SING WITH ME!!" She held out her hand between them as if to share the microphone for the both of them.

_**"Long live the walls we crashed through** _

_**All the kingdom lights shined just for me and you** _

_**I was screaming, "Long live all the magic we made"** _

_**And bring on all the pretenders** _

_**One day we will be remembered...”** _

This time Jisoo did join the fun, screaming with her lover as they belted out the lyrics. They might just sound like dying whale and the neighbours would surely filled out a noise complaint but seriously, they could careless right now. No headlines, no media, no worries. Just Jisoo and Lisa singing off key in their penthouse apartment.

_**"I said remember this feeling** _

_**I passed the pictures around** _

_**Of all the years that we stood there on the sidelines** _

_**Wishing for right now..."** _

Lisa continued as she looked at Jisoo and pulled on a funny face, successfully bringing a long overdue smile on her girlfriend's face.

_**"We are the kings and the queens** _

_**You traded your baseball cap for a crown..."** _

Jisoo gestured to Lisa's head as if to put on an imaginary crown on her. Lisa smiled at the gesture and did an over exaggerated curtsy before standing up straight to urged Jisoo to keep singing as she swayed from left to right, doing some weird dancing of her own.

_**"When they gave us our trophies** _

_**And we held them up for our town** _

_**And the cynics were outraged** _

_**Screaming, "This is absurd"** _

_**'Cause for a moment a band of thieves in ripped up jeans got to rule the world..."** _

Jisoo belted the lyrics as she knelt on the floor like a rock star. Lisa was having the time of her life as she rolled down on the floor laughing her ass off.

_**"Love live the wall we crashed through** _

_**All the kingdom lights shined just for me and you** _

_**I was screaming, "Long live all the magic we made"** _

_**And bring on all the pretenders..."**_ Jisoo sang loudly.

 

 _ **I'm not afraid,"**_ Lisa continued with a big grin on her face.

 

_**"Long live all the mountains we move** _

_**I had the time of my life** _

_**Fighting dragons with you** _

_**I was screaming, "Long live the look on your face"** _

_**And bring on all the pretenders** _

_**One day we will be remembered** _

_**Hold on to spinning around** _

_**Confetti falls to the ground** _

_**May these memories break our fall..."** _

Jisoo actually sang beautifully this time, giving it her all as she pour her heart for their impromptu Lichu-karaoke session. As she opened her mouth to sing the next stanza, Lisa had already beaten her to it.

_**"Will you take a moment,** _

_**promise me this...** _

_**That you'll stand by me forever** _

_**But if God forbid fate should step in,** _

_**And force us into a goodbye..."** _

Lisa sang the lines softly to Jisoo as she put her hand over her heart as tears welled in her eyes.

_**"If you have children someday** _

_**When they point to the pictures,** _

_**Please tell them my name..."** _

Her voice cracked as she sang it, knowing the reality of it all. Jisoo rushed to comfort her but one hand motion from Lisa and another plea of "I'm okay," left her with no choice but to continue the song.

_**"Tell them how the crowds went wild** _

_**Tell them how I hope they shine** _

_**Long live the walls we crashed through** _

_**I had the time of my life, with you...”** _

Jisoo presented Lisa with a teary smile as she pointed her fingers at her. She furiously wiped her tears away, and when she belted the next line, she was determined to end this in a good note.

_All smiles no frowns._

 

_**"Long, long live the walls we crashed through** _

_**All the kingdom lights shined just for me and you** _

_**And I was screaming, "long live all the magic we made"** _

_**And bring on all the pretenders** _

_**I'm not afraid..."**_ She sang as she put on a brave face and a salute at Lisa, getting a smile out in return. Jisoo gave her a signal and they sang the last lines together.

 

_**"Singing long live all the mountains we moved** _

_**I had the time of my life** _

_**Fighting dragons with you** _

_**And long, long live the look on your face** _

_**And bring on all the pretenders** _

_**One day, we will be remembered..."** _

They finished the song quickly and enveloped each other in a tight embrace, tears still streaming down their faces.

"Long live us...” Jisoo whispered against her head.

"Long live you...” She added with a smile, before pressing a light kiss on Lisa’s forehead.

You will be remembered...

==========

Lisa did last longer than expected as she somehow managed to get past through her birthday and Jisoo's. Though another incident might have barraged their way at her.

On the morning after Jisoo's birthday, Lisa had stupidly fell off her bed. But that, was not the problem. It was the excruciating pain that followed after that. She swore she had never screamed so loud in her life.

Hearing her screams, Jisoo bolted upstairs towards their shared bedroom. Fingers fumbling with her phone ready to call 9-1-1.

This was giving her a sense of déjà vu. Added with the fact that in dire times like this, Jennie and Chaeng always seemed to be away at an important meeting with their management, leaving Jisoo alone to deal with a crying Lisa.

Seeing her Lisa laying helplessly on the floor, screaming her head off, Jisoo panic level accelerate to 100 real quick. She knelt down beside the whimpering girl and wafted her hand through her hair, while whispering sweet nothings to soothe her pain.

"You're gonna be okay, baby.."

You will,

You have to...

==========

"She fell the wrong way, Chaeyoung. I've said this to you a million times. Why won't you believe me?" Jisoo hissed at Chaeyoung as they walked down the hospital halls to Lisa's room. She was being prepped for immediate surgery because apparently her stupid fall could possibly cause paralysis. Stupid bed and stupid floor, she had said.

"Wow Jisoo, Okay I believe you, but seriously you need to chill. You're basically on fire right now.." Chaeyoung treaded carefully, afraid to get Jisoo madder than she already was.

"You're dealing with this better than I ever was Chae. How are you okay with her dying?" She ranted, frustrated.

"I'm not, and I never will be okay with her dying, so don't even try to say that. But, do you know what makes me strong unnie? It was her wish. She personally told me that she wanted her last days to be full of smiles, not tears; not frowns. So I tried, I really tried my best every day to keep the smile on my face, to keep the happy thoughts on my head as if she wasn't dying. I had to respect her wish. I had to, unnie..." Chaeyoung confessed as she blinked rapidly to avoid the tears from falling, knowing Lisa would caught up with her act once she saw a faint tear marks on her face.

"I'm sorry Chaeyoung, I-I didn't know,"

"It's okay unnie, please just trust me on this. You need to respect her wish too okay?"

"All smiles?"

"All smiles."

==========

It had not been great.

Lisa was paralysed from the waist down. But she had not reacted poorly. She had taken a moment of silence after the news, both her lover and best friends looking at her expectantly, gauging her reaction. What happened next was not expected by the both of them.

With a defeated sigh, Lisa had looked back up towards the doctor and asked a simple question.

"Can I go back home now?"

The meaning behind her words were clear, she didn't want to talk about it and it was to be expected. Yet, that split moment when she looked at Jisoo at the word 'home', really messed with Chaeyoung's emotion. She had lived, knowing that her best friend and sister had found her home. A place for her to belong, yet, it was wretched from her grasp just after she found it.

Home…

Lost.

==========

Today was the day the two brotp? finally get to hang out. Though, Jennie realised she should have done this sooner. She had immediately became fast friends with Lisa after their first meeting with each other during their trainee days. She had said, the only reason they got along so well was because their ‘stupid aegyo tendencies and annoyingly cute gummy smiles ’ cheers to Jennie for that. She knew her gummy smiles are valuable winning weapon. So to speak, with their fast growing friendship and what not, this news had truly affected Jennie deeply.

They were strolling around the central park, not a lot of people were in sight which was a plus to the both of them.

"Jennie, if you didn't stop thinking, smoke might came out of your head any time now," Lisa suddenly said, causing her to pause in her movement.

"Shut it Manoban, or do I have to hit you to do so?" Jennie clapped back at her best friend who now appeared offended. She put a dramatic hand over her chest and said.

"Really? You'll hit a cripple? WHERE ARE YOUR MORALS?"

"Where yours are?" Jennie sassed.

"Shit, let me call Satan. He has them. Along with my list of fucks I do not give."

"Oh please, SOMEONE PLEASE GET THIS GIRL SHE'S ANNOYING ME," Jennie was all but shout.

"Watch it Nini or I'll tell Chaeyoung about your behaviour."

"You are such a tattle-teller, you b*tch. You disgust me," Jennie said in her best Kim-Kardashian-accent as she flipped her hair to get her point across.

"My energy should not be wasted talking to you, move along please I need to get my ice cream," Lisa commanded from her wheelchair bossily.

"You're lucky you're cute or else I would've left you somewhere," Jennie complained as she grudgingly started to push the wheelchair to the ice cream shop.

==========

 

Miracles do happen, sadly it didn't always last.

 

==========

Lisa knew her time was coming, knowing she had outlived the doctor's predictions; this was bound to happen anytime soon. It was a little after the New Year. She was being woken up, with severe chest pains. She screamed which immediately woke Jisoo up.

"Lisa baby, what's wrong?" She asked soothingly, trying to keep the panic from her voice.

Jisoo didn't get an answer from Lisa except for her occasional whimpers which caused her to curl further into herself, hoping to make the pain stop.

She knew her time was coming,

But she sure as heck was not ready for it.

==========

Lisa was hooked to a ventilator that night, her lungs had failed her and she didn't expect any less. Seeing her lover so fragile against the hospital bed, Jisoo made a beeline to the chair beside the bed and held her sleeping hand tightly.

She leaned her head closer to the bed and rests it at the edge of the pillow. It might have been an uncomfortable position but she wanted to, she need, to remember her.

_I don't want to forget..._

Right before she continued her restless slumber, Jisoo hummed sotto voce. She sang a song very dear to her as a prayer, and God, she did hope Lisa would listen close in her slumber.

_**"Please stay by my side,** _

_**Please stay with me..** _

_**Please don't let go of me, the one who's holding your hand...** _

_**I love you,** _

_**I love you...** _

_**In the long silence, a sound comes, screaming** _

_**From my foolish and weak heart..."** _

==========

The goodbye was the hardest.

==========

Lisa was looking at Jisoo as best as she could through her half lidded eyes. She could she the hudled figures of her best friends standing on the other side of her hospital bed. God, she was so tired, and she had long accepted her fate. She stared at Jisoo with any adoration she could muster and smiled weakly.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" She suddenly said, breaking Jisoo out of her trance.

"I want to remember you."

"Don't do this to yourself baby, please"

"I- I can't Lice, please I can't forget you. I don't want you to go. I LOVE YOU! Why is that not enough?" She sobbed as she desperately cling to her hospital gown to discard any possible distance between the two of them.

"It doesn't matter if I'm not physically beside you, unnie. Please don't cry, love, I'll look after you from the sky. You won't forget me because I'm here with you. I stayed in your heart. I'll visit you in your dreams, there you can relinquish all your joys and sorrows to me. You'll remember me, just like the way my heart will call out to you in the after life..."

"I love you, Lice. I'd give it all just for one more day with you..."

"Don't dwell- on your sadness please, all smiles, okay?" Lisa had to stop in between words to catch her breath as her lungs started failing on her.

“Unnie, if it is time for me to go, can you take care of Jisoo for me?”

Lisa never said it to anyone  in particular neither Jennie or Chaeyoung, but the message was clear. They responded with a tight squeeze on her arm and a teary smile.

Their last moments together were spent with Jisoo brushing the remnants of Lisa hazel brown hair, as they enjoyed the silence that sang lullabies for those in passing. It wasn’t long when the silence was broken by none other than Lisa.

"Can I get one last kiss before I go to sleep, Jichu?"

“Anything for you love,” Jisoo smiled a bittersweet smile through her red eyes and puffy cheeks before leaning in as they lips met in passion.

So desperately, trying to make it a kiss, one could remember forever.

"Sing for me please, Chichu…" Lisa whispered her last wish. She moved her body a little bit as she sagged against the hospital bed, eyes fluttering close.

_**"Hallelujah,** _

_**You were an angel in the shape of my love** _

_**When I fell down you'll be there holding me up** _

_**Spread your wings as you go...** _

_**And when God takes you back,** _

_**He'll say, "Hallelujah, you're home."** _

Jisoo wait until her breathing became no more, before she stopped. With one last cold kiss to the lips, Jisoo muttered her prayer against her skin.

_"In peace may you leave the shore;_

_In love may you find the next._

_Safe passage on your travel,"_ Jisoo finished and wipe her tears away. She leaned her face closer to Lisa's and mumbled against her lips.

"May we meet again, Lisa..."

==========

It was nothing special, another day, another time, another dawn. They recalled that time when a young Lisa Manoban swore that when she died she would do it in such honour, with lots of people crying for her.

They had laughed it off then, saying that she wasn’t even close to a hero or a president. It was a stupid dream to begin with.

Lalisa Manoban didn’t die in such great honour, she didn’t die with the sound of trumpet and manmade tears marring people’s face as they pretend to show empathy to the fallen grace.

She died, on a normal Wednesday afternoon, with 3 of the brightest stars in her life, and I guessed for her,

It was more than enough.

 

==========

 

"One last kiss to a cold lips, to seal the prayer."

 

==========

 

  
  



	2. come out and play

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> to you who were born in the soft bloom of spring

**_Wake up and smell the coffee_ **   
**_Is your cup half full or empty?_ **

==========

In the days nearing the end of December, of nearing the end of 2018, we could see two figures huddled together near the fireplace of their dorm with a cup of hot chocolate in hand. Words were not exchanged as they both stared outside the window looking at the first snow fall. Tranquillity painted the scene in pretence calmness, one heart was getting distant and the other was not even aware of the occurrence.  Growing lonelier and cold as the moment passed, for she was unable to fully open her heart to the world, to the person right beside her.

_'What is it that make you believe it’s me?'_

That kind of thought came more often than she liked to admit. But the faux mask of happiness she long had on never really gave a choice for her to speak the truth, the bitter words of those insecurities and hatred. Positivity was key to everything, her tired mind didn't have any energy left to believe otherwise. The burden of being happy, of being true was sometimes too much to bear for her worn down body. The eye bags, hollowed cheeks and slumped shoulder said so. It had gotten so hard to the point where even letting out a small sigh needed more effort than lying.

She was not and will never be a perfect being, that much could be said about her, about Lisa, the idol so many people looked up to. The ever so kind BLACKPINK member who was born in a small country called Thailand. What could she do? She never knew, never guessed, until it all played out for her. Passing through the audition, being a trainee, and now a member of a successful k-pop girl group.

_'What can a poor ol' Lisa can do?'_

A pity party, something she disliked greatly yet couldn't help but experienced it more times than not. She got everything didn't she? A wonderful family, 3 best friends/ sisters, and a beautiful and understanding girlfriend whom she daresay was a wondrous gift for her feeble self. She struggled to understand and Jisoo would always be there to explain everything to her, slowly not even missing a single word. Jisoo was always so perfect that at times Lisa felt like she couldn't catch up. Because she was always standing on the edge, always trying so fucking hard to at least get a grip on her barely put together persona. Lisa didn't have anything left to give, for she was afraid that maybe even her best was just not enough, not that she even showed all those thorns to anyone. They never really knew her, because she never tried to spread her wings, her beautiful wings that laid frail from years of being unused.

As if noticing the dark turn her mind was going, a soft squeeze greeted her rough ones. The dainty hands seemingly pure from all that was bad and evil of this world. Delicately soothing the numerous worries plaguing her mind.

She turned her head to face the warm coffee brown eyes staring back at her. She smiled, a genuine one, not big enough to show her teeth but gentle in her own fashion, grateful. And somehow,

_it felt like enough._

==========

A kind of quietness surrounded them, Jisoo missed it so much. With all the things happening, their Asia tour and hectic schedules, it was bordering on being straight up chaotic. This lulling silence was a welcomed change. A warm cup of hot chocolate in hand and the warmth of their body curled up to each other combined with the comfortable weight of Lisa's head resting on her chest as she ran her fingers through her ash brown hair. She decided, there was nowhere else she would rather be.

Jisoo never questioned Lisa's feelings for her. It was obvious from the "sneaky" glances Lisa threw her when she wasn't looking. She noticed of course but she pretended not to so as to not wound Lisa's pride of being a ninja.

_'Ninja my ass...'_

She was well aware of the fact that Lisa wasn't what she wanted others to believe she was. The nearly invisible lines of worries that marred her face, the slightly crooked smile she had when she was tired, and her weary eyes. She saw it all, every each one of it. On days when it was especially bad for the younger girl, Jisoo tried not to stray too far. Tender touch of her lips as she kissed each one of her knuckles, trying her best to convey her support.

_'I'm here...I'm here...'_

She tried her best to understand even when it felt almost impossible to understand something you had zero knowledge of.

_'I got you...It's okay...'_

She had only heard Lisa cried a total of 5 times in the span of years they'd been living together. She had never seen her cry ever, because the younger girl tended to lock herself alone inside her room whenever she felt unhappy. She was always the first one to knock on her door, asking her if she needed anything or if she had eaten lunch yet. She never asked if she was okay or not because lets face it, she was not okay and that's fine. Lisa needed her space and if that was what she needed, then Jisoo would give it to her gladly so that Lisa could be okay again.

The tranquil feeling that enveloped the both of them had grown cold just like the untouched cup of chocolate currently held in Lisa's hand. Her girlfriend was lost in thought, and it seemed like these thoughts she was having right now, weren't the ones she hoped Lisa had on peaceful day like this. She squeezed Lisa's right hand softly, praying it would be enough to bring her out of her stupor. Miraculously, her prayer was answered as Lisa responded by gently returning her squeeze.

Jisoo might forgot to mention this, but the serene smile that Lisa directed at her after that, had successfully stole her breath away. She swore the gummy smile she had on for the rest of that day had never felt better than this.

_'Don't be afraid...I love you...I'm here.'_

==========

Their hushed whispers when the rest of the members were sleeping, dead tired from a long day of practice, continued to be the one thing both of them looked forward to everyday. Even when her eyelids felt heavy with sleep and their conversation sounded a little blurry, falling in and out of sleep trying their best to stay awake to continue their long awaited moments of being on the same bed, cuddling under the warm blanket with Jisoo's arms wrapped around her body. Nonsense conspiracies and weird ideas popping every once in a while. She cherished them all as much as Jisoo did.

_"I think if your hands are rough enough you won't even need to buy a scrubber anymore."_

_"If our ancestors were Adam and Eve. Jisoo are we committing incest?"_

_"Avocados shouldn't be hated on Chaeng."_

_"Kai is so ugly. Kuma is definitely winning. I'm sorry."_

_"Jisoo you are a beautiful banana"_

_"Jichu these pillows are so soft."_

_"Those are my boobs Lisa"_

==========

**_When we talk, you say it softly_ **   
**_But I love it when you're awfully quiet_ **

==========

Often times these softly said words stopped in the middle, and a soft snore followed afterwards. Usually Lisa would be the one to lose the battle with sleep, possibly because she had burnt herself out by being hyper active throughout the day, bickering with Chaeyoung, fighting with dalgom and just being weird with the bossy unnie of the group, Jennie. The feeling that blanketed them, Jisoo had to admit, she loved it a lot. It might sound weird to say but in this kind of peace that she felt in the moment, she was able to think about how lucky they were to have each other. In any ups and downs and awkward situations, because she for once, were not afraid to fall, not even once ever since Lisa came into her life. Jisoo knew, that moment never stayed they never did and they did not care, no matter how hard you try to hold on to them. Maybe that was why camera was invented, and maybe that was the reason why Lisa was so attached to camera. She was desperate. To hold on to anything, to keep the happiness that way, so when the dark days come she would have these tiny memories that she managed to capture inside her camera, to somehow make her realise these tiny things that were worth living for.

Jisoo turned on her side to face Lisa's sleeping face. Her baby feature clean of worries, and the serene smile she had, made all the hardships worth it. Thus, in the long silence on this cold night, a tiny voice whispered, to whom who was dreaming in Neverland.

"I love you."

==========

**_You see a piece of paper_ **   
**_Could be a little greater_ **   
**_Show me what you could make her_ **   
**_You'll never know until you try it_ **

==========

"Jisoo, I don't think I can do this. Please, I'm sorry I just wanna go back to the dorm." Lisa said in panic as she looked at all the people lined up at their concert. Heart beating faster per minute with all the anxiety and stress in preparation for this day. Her hands were getting clammy and she was starting to struggle to breathe.

_'No please, not now.'_

"Lisa baby, look at me please. Focus on my breathing. You're okay, you're okay..." Jisoo had an inkling feeling that something like this might happened, the blonde barely got enough sleep the night before, further triggering her level of anxiety. Though, this had occurred more than once during the entire length of their stay together, Lisa always made sure to keep the other members in the dark about her anxiety. Jisoo wouldn't have known about this either, if she had not accidentally caught her in one of her anxiety attacks. Hence, explaining why she knew what to do on situations like this.

Lisa had asked Jisoo to follow her in a hurry, pace brisk as she tried to delay the impending doom waiting for her. Somewhere secluded, anywhere, anywhere without her members.

_'Jisoo, Jisoo, Jisoo'_

She chanted the name loud in her head, hoping it could somewhat calm her down. Jisoo had always been her anchor on these kind of situations. She tried her best to focus on her breathing, putting her right hand on Jisoo's chest to make her focus better. The slow and steady rise and fall of her girlfriend's chest coupled with the soft comforting tune she hummed near her ear, continue to make more and more relax. It definitely took Jisoo around 15 minutes to calm her down. Still it was better than last time. The last time it happened, let's just say it wasn't something she could talk about willingly.

"Baby, listen to me for a second. You've come way too far to just give up now. All these people you saw out there, they're waiting for you. Because they know you are capable of doing your best, don't try to fight me on this. You're going to rock this thing and I know it. So let's show America what they're missing,yea?"

"Pinky promise unnie?" Lisa said timidly, cheeks blushing from the compliment. She jutted her pinky fingers and looked at Jisoo in expectation mixed with childlike wonder.

"Of course, you dork. Pinky promise." Jisoo replied with her gummy smile as she interlocked their pinkies together and kissed their intertwined hands lightly. Seeing the smile etching on Lisa's face after her short but sweet gesture, Jisoo couldn't help but shouted from the top of her lungs, eliciting laughter from the love of her life.

"COACHELLA YOU AIN'T READY FOR LISOO!"

==========

**_And you don't have to keep it quiet_ **

==========

"Guys do you hear that?" Rose asked in disbelief to the rest of the members, eyes wide with her jaw hanging open. A look of incredulity grace her face as she struggled with the fact that all of these people out there were waiting for them, BLACKPINK. A mere k-pop girl group coming all the way from the small country of South Korea.

"Holy shit," came out the whispered response from a flabbergasted Lisa, jaw falling slack as the anxiety that Jisoo managed to appease came back tenfold. Bad thoughts were forming in her head, insecurities advancing at every nook and corner of her mind.

_'mistakes, you're going to fuck it up.'_

_'Again, again, again.'_

_'Why are you like this?'_

Unconsciously, Lisa started to scratch the skin on her left wrist. The motion was subtle enough that no one realised it at first, or at least until Jisoo came back from her short break to the toilet, only to find Lisa scratching her wrist furiously. Her eyes were empty as if the person wasn't there. As if the soul was lost to the body. She quickened her pace and reached her girlfriend in record minute.

She took both of her hands lightly to stop her from further damaging her reddening skin. She hugged her tight even when Lisa's hands fell limply to her side. Hugged her tight and secure until Lisa could finally realised the feeling of Jisoo around her body. Of her being there, right at this moment, reminding her that it's okay, it's okay, that she's nothing but good. That she deserved anything the world had to offer, even though she felt like she wasn't enough.

Jisoo was always there, her anchor when everything felt like it was too much too fast. She grounded her, held her hand and kissed each one of her knuckles. Her gummy smile that she showed her afterwards never failed to melt all her worries away.

When times got hard like this, she was a constant that never left her side. Believing in Lisa more than Lisa believed herself. Jisoo made the world stop and the moment theirs. She was the key to everything Lisa wanted to be. People might just thought they were only relishing on the moment before they got on stage, but what they didn't know can't hurt them. Thus, when Jisoo leaned up and whispered to Lisa's ear, they suspect nothing but them being a couple on their honeymoon phase.

"You'll do good Lili. I believe in you."

==========

**_And I know it makes you nervous_ **   
**_But I promise you, it's worth it_ **   
**_To show 'em everything you kept inside_ **

==========

"BLACKPINK IN YOUR AREA!"

The deafening screams from the audience filled the arena, watching the four girls performing with such gusto it was as if they were dancing like it is their last. If you had tell them this before they would have laughed at you for your bullshit. A newly debuted Korean girl group, coming down from their debut stage at Inkigayo, crying their eyes out because everything never seemed better than this. It was something more than they could have ever hoped for. If you tell them that in 3 years, every impossible dreams they dare not to think about will come true, they would have freaked out. Also maybe gave you a slap in the face for saying such nonsense.

But here they were, performing on Coachella with tons of people mouthing the lyrics of their song. People that choose to watch them, BLACKPINK, knowing that there were more artists out there performing in Coachella with reputations BLACKPINK hope not to achieve. The bigger names in the entertainment industry, the real deal, yet somehow by some kind of sorcery these people were here, watching them when they could be doing anything else.

Jisoo's eyes met Lisa during one of the performances they did that night. Her sunshine's eyes were shining with akin of disbelief and gratefulness, and her smile, oh God her smile, Jisoo could swear to any gods out there that the smile Lisa had on during their whole set, was nothing less but a light in the darkness. She was enjoying herself to the fullest, and honestly, it was more than what Jisoo could hope for. The way she moved so effortlessly coupled with grace and those fierce expressions, flowing with the sound of the beat without any trace of worry. That itself made Jisoo's heart warm. It felt like she could finally breathe easy, seeing Lisa being so carefree was a blessing enough for Jisoo Kim. Because she didn't expect less nor did she think Lisa deserved any less than that. For Jisoo, Lisa was someone she held very dear to her heart. The one person who was always willing to listen and always tried to make her smile even though she was not feeling her best that day. Lisa was there from the start and it never change. She was a constant. Something that somehow stayed unchanged even when everything, every little thing around you kept on changing so quickly it felt like you weren't ready for the next step.

Lisa held her hand and never let it go.

==========

**_Don't hide, don't hide_ **   
**_Too shy to say, but I hope you stay_ **   
**_Don't hide away_ **

==========

Day one was done and it was a fucking blast. Chaeyoung couldn't even believe and neither could she or Jennie or Lisa. Point was, they were in cloud nine, unable to come down from the current high they were feeling coursing through their veins. The energy was still fresh since they just finished their set that day. Happy smiles were exchanged along the way as they took some group pictures and said thank yous to all the staffs and managers for their hard work in making their Coachella performance no less than perfect.

Feeling dead tired from the event, the couple quickly excuse themselves to go back to their room for the rest of the night. After some knowing smiles from Chaeyoung and a,

"se-*cough*-x*cough*"

From our lovely Jennie unnie.

They walked hand in hand as they swing their hands back and forth while humming a tune to fill the silence. They were content, surprisingly in a great mood despite the exhaustion clinging to their bones. Jisoo stopped for a while and raised their intertwined hands up before signalling Lisa to do a tiny turn. It was an awkward turn because of their obvious height difference but giggles and smiles continued to paint the lovely air of Coachella. Accompanied by a faint bass sound thrumming from the ongoing concert behind their back, they finally reached their destination and let out a tiny sigh of relief.

==========

“If you had the chance to wish upon a falling star, what would be the one thing you want to wish for?”

_‘You being confidently honest, and unashamed of your pain, and me being there with you to witness it.’_

“Nothing, Lice. It’s not gonna happen anyways, why bother?”

“You suck a lot, unnie. You know that?”

“I know babe. Just for you only.”

“Disgusting.”

==========

The end of their day didn't consists of cheers and opened wine bottles littering their room. They did none of the partying and celebrating part, skipped the whole thing and went straight to bed. There, under the safety net of the cover, Lisa snuggled close to Jisoo's chest to listen to her favourite sound in the world. The steady thumping of her heart caused Lisa's heart to slowly sync together as they basked in the calmness. A total opposite of their surrounding from moments ago. She turned her head a little and pressed a soft kiss to Jisoo's neck. A tiny giggle erupted from her lips as she moved her head down to press a little kiss on the side of Lisa's head returning her beloved action.

"What?" She asked with a smile, succeeding in breaking the comfortable silence they had found themselves in the moment they touched the bed.

"I love you Chu."

There were no sudden fireworks bursting outside nor the time stopping right when Lisa said those three words. But Jisoo, she smiled a beautiful smile with her gummy showing and all that. Her smile felt as warm as her the hearth and for once Lisa finally knew what it felt like to breathe easy.

Turning her body, Jisoo wiggled a little with Lisa's arms around her to face her better. She cupped her cheek so delicately and pressed a short but sweet kiss to her unsuspecting lips. They broke away after a moment and she took in the time to admire Lisa's eyes deeply as her eyes travelled down to appreciate every crease and imperfections on her girlfriend's features. With one last kiss to her plump lips, she whispered the words against Lisa's lips the moment they pulled away a little.

"I love you too, Lice."

==========

**_Come out and play._ **

==========


	3. make (i)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> she makes broken look beautiful

_You are my sunshine,_

_My only sunshine_

_You make me happy when skies are gray_

_You'll never know dear how much I love you_

_Please don't take my sunshine away_

==========

**_When the rain is blowing in your face_**  
**_And the whole world is on your case_**

==========

The life of a celebrity came with an invisible burden that sometimes went unnoticed to the public's eyes. She guessed maybe it was because some were so blind to people's feelings and the fact that they were actually human too, that they did nothing but judge. Spewing words after words which started with a simple sarcastic comments to an openly hate comment; they said they were not to blame. We were free to express our feelings anyway, but she just had to ask. If someone didn't put a fucking billboard or shout the fact that they were hurting, did that mean they were not hurting? Were they meant to broadcast their feelings or literally shout it from the top of their lungs, just for you to believe that maybe, just maybe, something was wrong with them? That they were not okay in the first place? Because if she knew one thing, it would be this, people could be so silent about their problems that you forgot they were in pain.

To say that she was blind to  _her_  pain, would be an understatement. One would think actually mistook her as the careless one, who wouldn't? She was one with the weird personality, always laughing and seemingly careless of what others would think. Truth to be told, most of the things said about her was true, she didn't give any flying fucks for those oh so called 'netizens' think about her. Because, in the end it all went back to  _her_. The centre of her entire universe, who no one would thought to be very self criticising and more self conscious than the rest of them.

She don't think the rest of the members noticed of course.

For in her eyes,  _she_  was but a tiny lovely sunflower. Oh so beautiful in  _her_  aspects when  _she_  bloomed in such delicate and simple fragility. For  _she_  still smiled, though all is left but a poignant regret.

_'What distress had caused you to be in such demur, little flower?'_ Her heart had once wished to ask.

But just like every other question she has, she had never once uttered them, too afraid that it'll change the dynamic of their monochromatic relationship. She stayed silent, but all the while assertive to every little movement her little sunshine makes.

They, the public, were nothing but blind.

Dear you, the people with the unseeing eyes, how could you be so inconsiderate? To inflict such hurt in her sunshine's eyes? Such genial soul they said. Always one with the softest smile and purest heart, as gentle as the caress of Spring who sings a sweet velvet lullaby for the flowers to bloom and hope to blossom.

But is it?

Who are they to know that maybe  _her_  smiles aren't real? That it was just an artificially made beauty? A hocus-pocus from the amount of hours  _she_  spent in front of the mirror looking on every crease and details in thirst for perfection. They do not know a thing, because it is not them who stood peeking in  _her_  doorway, heart sinking deeper and deeper by each comments made by her sunshine's as  _she_  listed all the things ' _wrong_ ' about  _her_.  _Her_  body,  _her_  beauty, it was never enough for  _her_  inner artist who strives for nothing but perfection.

Because all in all, all that  _she_  had left was just a heart that love no longer show and a soul turned dull and gray.

==========

**_I could offer you a warm embrace_**  
**_To make you feel my love_**

==========

Entry#23   
October 25th 2017

I thought I saw you frowning today. But it was gone the moment I blinked for a second. I saw you with a smile already plastered on your face, I don't know what to do, I thought I imagined it, but I knew it was real, the fact that you're sad today. I might not show it, but I hope you're okay now :)

P.s. You look pretty today.

==========

**_When the evening shadows and the stars appear_**  
**_And there's no one there to dry your tears_**

==========

_Smile..._

It was snowing, a bone chilling December night when all the lights inside the dorm are off but one. She lay on her bed with her knees held close to her chest, eyes devoid of the usual twinkle. Her hunched figure contrasted the whole happy go lucky persona that painted her imagery. She didn't sleep nor did she close her eyes. She stayed there with her eyes unblinking and mind haywire.

_In...Out..._

The sound of her deep breathing reverberated deep inside the silent room, as the first drop of tears started to fall. It started as a tiny muffled sob, but the tears just wouldn't stop and somehow it ended with her desperately trying to silent her sadness as her cries grew louder and her heart a little heavier. She clawed at her chest and covered her ear, because, oh god, she begged to whatever God is out there, she hoped they'd listen and chased her demons away.

_Smile..._

"stop... please..stop..."

The pleas went on and on until the luminous golden light started to peek through the curtain, dawn had come and once again, any tears and cracks had suddenly disappear without a trace.

==========

**Oh, I'll hold you for a million years**

**To make you feel my love**

==========

Entry # 25  
October 27th 2017

Your eyes looked puffy today. I tried to ask you before we went to get breakfast, but you shrugged my worries off, saying it's because you just watched some sad old Korean dramas. I knew you just lied to me, but I honestly don't know why you're doing this.

Lisa, please tell me, I don't want you hurt anymore. Share me your burden please...

P.s. I 'm here

 


End file.
